Every so often I get emails— and, sadly, I have to report that I am not always great at responding to them. Although, I do love getting them. I got an email 5 days ago from S.P. and I feel I want to respond.
S.P. wrote because she is in, what to me sounds like, an abusive relationship with a Chilean and she wants advice. She describes him as “overbearing, controlling, extremely, jealous, pushy, macho, inconsiderate, rude, selfish, suspicious, distrustful”, but also at times “sweet”.
My first reaction is that what S.P. is experiencing is all too common and is an abusive relationship. It has nothing to do with the fact that the partner is Chilean… but rather the controlling tendencies can be found in people (male or female) from all cultures. Here are some signs that you are in an abusive relationship:
To determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions below. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship.
|SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP|
|Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings||Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior|
||Does your partner:
|Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats||Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior|
|Does your partner:
||Does your partner:
My next thought was about a statistic that I used to know: on average, a woman leaves an abusive relationship 7 times before actually leaving for good.
Being in a very positive relationship, it is hard for me to imagine the position that S.P. is in. But I hope that in her position I would leave. I would leave for myself. For any future children that might be part of the family. And for the knowledge that I deserve more.
S.P. , you asked my advice. Here it is: run. Find a way out. If you need, find help.
Women don’t have to live in fear:
- In the U.S., call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
- UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.
- Canada: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-363-9010
- Australia: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1800 200 526
- Or visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a worldwide list of helplines, shelters, and crisis centers.
Male victims of abuse can call:
In the US, The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women specializes in supporting male victims of abuse and offers a 24-hour helpline: 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754)
UK: ManKind Initiative offers a national helpline at 01823 334244.
Australia: One in Three Campaign offers help and resources for male victims.